The gifts of singleness and marriage

1 Corinthians 7:8-16

⁸ So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. ⁹ But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

¹⁰ But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. ¹¹ But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.

¹² Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. ¹³ And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. ¹⁴ For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ¹⁵ (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) ¹⁶ Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?

The apostle Paul is responding to specific questions from the Corinthian church regarding singleness, marriage and divorce. While we don’t have a record of those questions, we can surmise from Paul’s answers some of the issues that he is addressing which are still relevant to us today.

Although Paul preferred the unmarried state for himself, he makes it clear that being married was neither less spiritual, nor more spiritual. It is all according to each person’s gifting. It’s worth noting that Paul’s acknowledgement of his gift of singleness was unusual at the time, because being married was considered a duty for all Jewish men. Paul regards both marriage and singleness as gifts from God.

While he recognises both the marriage and the unmarried states as gifts, no one is “gifted” for sexual promiscuity. The married must live faithfully to their spouse, and the unmarried must live celibate.

Regarding questions on divorce, he has some detailed advice here, but essentially Paul has counselled that the Christian partner should do what they can (and there are limits to this) to keep the marriage together, but if the unbelieving spouse refuses to stay married, the marriage can be broken.

So how does this relate to us today? Perhaps you may need to adjust your thinking to see that singleness is a gift which some have been given by God and to not look on it as a lesser option. Or maybe you are in a difficult season of marriage and need God’s help and encouragement to hang in there.

There’s plenty of worldly “wisdom” out there to lead us in the other direction.  Singleness, celibacy, and persevering through marriage challenges are all deeply counter-cultural to our modern Western world.

Lord, we ask for Your wisdom and guidance for how to live in a way that honours You in every part of our lives. You have uniquely made each one of us, and only You know the best way for us to live. We choose to lay down our own ways and follow You.

Written by Shelley Witt